Pain Of Our Making

My sin might bring me pain but God loves me, faithfully. Lamentations 3:19-26 NKJV

When I remember my sin, in the light of God's mercy, I am horrified. Job 21:6 NKJV

Do not despair in guilt and consequences, praise God for His presence and mercy. Psalm 42:5 NKJV


Shortly after the car accident, people told me that I deserved what happen to me. If I would repent of my sin God would restore me. They firmly believed that my suffering was God's judgement on me for being so disobedient. I believed them because many were suppose to be my spiritual mentors, guides to understand what God expects of me and how to live "like I am saved". However, the Bible says that God's love is not like that. John 1:9 says that believing in His Son and agreeing that I need Him, is all it takes to have the power as His child. It doesn't say anything about drunk driving, tattoos, cigarettes, divorce or any other thing condemned in the Old Testament. This is a new covenant for me.

The truth is I deserve much more than the loss of my limbs. I deserve death. My sin is embarrassing and downright disgusting.  I cannot ever undo them, they are in my timeline for eternity, it would be hopeless to even try to make up for them. No amount of feeding starving children, rescuing homeless people or giving to the poor could ever undo one of my offenses. Only Jesus can make them invisible to God. Jesus paid for every bad thing I have done and those that I have not done, yet.

Sometimes my struggles are because of my sin. Only God and me know if my pain is natural consequences of personal sin or just something that needs to happen in order to bring myself or someone else into His plan. If it is consequences, God is still for me. When I accept Him and let Him use my circumstance for His honor, the pain of my own making turns into a happenstance for His loving mercy.




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